Let’s Talk About Grief

March 23, 2021 will forever be remembered as the day that changed my life forever.  After contracting COVID and fighting for 88 days.  My hero, protector, best friend also known as “Daddy” went home to be with the Lord.  It was the most difficult experience I have ever had to face!   I took an 8- week leave from work to be by his side before his transition.  Most of the time, it was just the two of us.  He knew he was dying, in fact, he told me what was expected of me in his absence.

After his transition, I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I wasn’t talking to my family, my boyfriend or my friends. I was literally not returning phone calls or answering text messages. I went to work, came home, showered and was back in bed by 5:00pm.  I wasn’t interacting with anyone and when I did, it was minimal. I stopped going to church, and I was angry-so angry.  Anger is not an emotion I’m comfortable with.  My body has both an emotional and physical response to anger.  It disrupts my sleep and appetite, and I usually get breakouts in my face.

Just 18 months prior to my dad’s transition, my brother unexpectedly passed away. There were so many unresolved emotions.  So, with my dad’s passing my anger began to manifest into rage.  I’m truly not a mean-spirited person, but I was hurtling insults at everyone.  I refused to get into a boyfriend’s car after he challenged me about my behavior, then I walked 3 miles to my home in 4-inch wedges.  I had no idea what was wrong with me, but everyone was irritating me.  I honestly wanted everyone to leave me alone. I had no idea what was wrong with me.  I remember praying for understanding and the very next day, I saw a post about grief on my social media account.  Plain and simple it was grief.

The grief process happens in multiple stages.  Even with my knowledge and background, I didn’t know how much it was impacting me. I enlisted a therapist, changed my diet, maintained a routine fitness program, stopped unhealthy coping mechanisms (sleeping, avoidance) and started going back to church.  Although I still am grieving, I am much happier and healthier.  I share my 19-month journey in hopes that it may somehow help someone in need.  If you have lost someone you love, it is important that you:

1. Acknowledge your pain.
2. Validate those feeling of hurt (guilt, sadness)
3. Talk about it! Plain and simple. Journaling works too.
4. Take it one day at time.
5. Talk to a therapist.